


of blazing stars

by moon_hedgehog



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, Memory Loss, One Shot, Post-Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 05:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18934123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_hedgehog/pseuds/moon_hedgehog
Summary: The Snap brought Gamora's memories back, but she's not quite sure what to do with them.





	of blazing stars

**Author's Note:**

> ~~hope james gunn makes everything right in the vol.3 of gotg~~

It's all bits and pieces.

Gamora tries to glue a picture out of them, but it only invariably turns into floating and torn stardust, crushing under her fingers. Into endless puzzles of an elusive past-future that she cannot know and cannot remember. Into pictures with turned up brightness, similar to exploding and blazing stars – those that she bends around on her way to nowhere. Yes, she ran away – maybe stupid, maybe selfish, but everything started spinning too quickly and she couldn't stand the onslaught of that hurricane. Her little ship stolen from non-father's (tongue can't turn to call that Thanos again) board hides in clusters of cosmic dust, moving towards sparsely populated galaxies. Leading it helps; the former assassin is distracted from thoughts swarming in her head, remaining alone with herself and rumbling motors.

That's only when her eyes start to close, and her head bows down, and she has to put the ship on autopilot – the images which she wants to get rid of and which she seeks to understand at the same time appear before her again. She's afraid of this. She's afraid to curl up in miserable rags that mimic a sleeping bag – and this is the only thing she's ever feared. And when she swallows saliva and gives in, when the world disappears and reappears – but completely different, the world of those fragments that she cannot glue – she doesn't want to leave it.

 

Her sister's eyes spark in the ugly lighting of the spaceship. She talks, talks, talks – I hated you so much, I was trying to kill you, but you found yourself a family, a real one, and helped me to enter it, and I missed you so much, sister. This Nebula is quite unlike the one Gamora knows – to her own surprise, she helps her to rise, and Nebula barely restrains from getting her in an embrace (Gamora can see it).

 

A touch of soft fingers on her cheek. They are deadly cold, and the expression on the face of their owner is even more dead; as if he saw a ghost, as if he saw something that he never thought to see again. It isn't right. This is so wrong.

 

“This idiot?” she asks, wrinkling one eyebrow. Doesn't wait for an answer, because knows it herself – yes, and this idiot is the very person she worried about; and to whom she once whispered “I love you more than anything”. With a snap of fingers of the man of iron, all these moments spin in her head like a string of not-memories, and now she looks Peter Quill in the eyes, trying to remember his name.

 

Then – the battle, after which she escapes with a buzzing pain in her head, away from the whole world, away from the nagging hatred for Thanos, away from the piercing cry of her sister, away from death, from loss, from sadness; to somewhere she can find herself again. Even though she doesn't know where it is.

 

Now she's wandering around the galaxy without a goal and a task, an invisible hermit, once a daughter of the most terrible tyrant; now she's only a pale, broken shell of herself. All she has left is hope that someday, all bits, all pieces will finally be glued together; she'll know what to do and where to go.

How to find a home again.

How to fall in love again.

She flies past a nascent, blazing star, and makes a wish.


End file.
